Who is gonna save you when I'm gone?

"Do it for your own good. Not for others."

He sounded so assured for her future well-being, as he said those words to her in a composed tone. It made him seem rather serious, like his usual talks with her whenever they talk about the issue. She stared back at him, wondering how it would be like when he is gone after this.

"No worries. You'll make it through."

What follows was that of a tiny smile on his face - rather, a smirk. "Okay, so it's not that easy. Cliched words like that can be so fucked up. But I've talked to you about this so many times already. It's been... almost, 12 years. Now, that's such a long time."

She had no word to say. He had only said the truth, anyway. It had always been about the same thing ever since the past 12 years in the world of non-existence. It was a crutch for her problems before, until it became a real problem that she was depending on it instead of truly helping herself. A crutch can only be temporary, it cannot stick around forever. If you do not try to walk on your own two feet, you will never fully heal.

The issue was never really stagnant. It had its own developments. But it was not good enough within the span of 12 years until the present moment that she is now, what you can call, a proper adult. The two of them had been talking about it all this time, trying to see where they can pick things up and amend them. She had gone through and passed by a long, winding road using fantasy as a crutch, and it can no longer go on that way.

"As a human, you are the only one who can be responsible for yourself. So, stop giving me further excuses, and really just move on already."

She knew it. Even she was beginning to get tired of herself.

I hereby leave you all the things I can give you to help you out - or otherwise known as 'advice' but I do not consider myself a good advice giver though. Still I think this should be useful for you. Ah, I can be so ironic but whatever.

It's about time. Don't ruin your life anymore. Remember though, when all people in the world fail you, you know you have tried your best (provided that you did) and He will always be with you and won't fail you. So don't worry about people. You have done enough worrying already. Stop trying to fix the world, you can't do everything for everyone.

Let us just try to live good, proper lives.

She could hear a song in her head, while he politely stood up and started to walk away to leave, permanently.

"Leaves are on the ground
Fall has come
Blue skies turning grey
Like my love

I tried to carry you
And make you whole
But it was never enough
I must go."

[excerpt from Alter Bridge - Watch Over You]

He'll save you. You just need to have faith and literally try your best.

everything

"What does sorry for everything mean, I still wonder?" Lynn said to herself.

There had been countless arguments without a proper understanding of how they actually began and the reasons that caused them. Looking back, it was as if there just had to be an argument within a certain period to stir things up between them, although all she wanted was just to calmly be like normal friends with him as he was with the others. What was it, a routine just between the two of them?

For the last argument, Jason apologised to her, saying sorry for everything.

I wonder if you know what that everything is. Even I don't know what you mean by it. Since we never really knew what we were sorry for to amend for, so causing another argument eventually without knowing the real reason of why it happened...

Knowing the kind of person he is, she knew he would not give her a direct answer if asked directly.

"Well, with this, I guess we won't argue anymore. We probably won't see each other anymore. Who knows, right?" she said to herself again, looking on, as Jason disappears from sight.

hope you'll be happy someday, my friend.

It's always been about you, hasn't it?

"Eh?"

She wore her typical smile. It was not a smirk or anything, there was no intention of harm from her in any way.

As Jason was also helping out to unpack the boxes and take the books out of the boxes as volunteer work for charity, alongside his friend Lynn, he went blinking his eyes a few times at what she said, pausing everything he was doing for a split second. No replies. Then he went on with what he was doing.

Lynn rearranged the last books from what seemed like the last box of used books to be donated for charity.

She turned to Jason before leaving as her task seemed to be done.

"Well, hope you'll be happy someday, my friend. Sayonara."

She smiled, and left.

hm!

A few more thoughts come about and hey, instead of going ahead with the previous story or anything like it, I figured I'd let this blog be about my short writings instead, with posts that need not be related to one after another as if I am writing a novel with so many chapters!

I got reminded of a friend from Ausmat 18 who told me about her disinterest in anime, that she had no interest to watch it since it has so many episodes that go on and on and on that would make her anxious to wait for the next episodes to watch! So she prefers stuff like, I dunno, movies? 2-hour comedy or drama? Basically things without so many continuations, since waiting for the upcoming episodes is annoying for her :P

(I understand how that felt, actually! Back then when I really loved certain dramas or even soap operas, :P)

So let the short writings begin!

Err, soon, not yet :)

stop

I think...

I am stopping this story. A story of my own life, for some parts. Heh... does anyone really read it? That doesn't matter, but I don't know of my commitment in writing this. Definitely not much as you can see. And I think I should have written my previous writings differently, the story went off bad.

So I will probably stop here, and probably will keep writing for it too sometime in the future and keep fixing all that had already been written. In the end, it is still just a hobby of mine :)

Take care!

022

Hey you,
I know we hardly talk lately.
I know there are still some strange issues between us,
after all that happened all this while.
But thank you for willing to go out with me today,
I appreciate it a lot,
and I did have a lot of fun,
as much as I try to make it enjoyable for us.
Although I know you can take care of yourself,
I want to be here for you.
I want to make you laugh and smile.
You are important to me,
and I’m pretty sure I am important to you too,
only that you don’t show it much.
But I am okay with what you do,
weird or unusual or seemingly annoying,
so long as it isn’t wrong.
I apologise for those minor things I have ever been mad at.
I won’t sulk or get mad as before,
those were so childish of me,
as everything you do now only makes me smile.
As I have learnt to accept you as who you are.
So such minor things don’t matter much.
Now even though I’m not sure how this might turn out,
regardless of any reasons,
I know it in my heart I have to try it, this time.
I would like to make you a part of life.
I realise staying friends may never be the best solution.
I know I should’ve known so earlier,
I might’ve been too late at this.
But something tells me to at least tell you
all this… no more holding back,
and ask you…
can I be your girlfriend?
Yes it might seem sudden.
But I have thought about it.
Even if you will not let anyone enter your chamber of heart,
I’ll accept it as far as you let me.
And if you give me a chance,
I will try to be there for you,
I will not ask much from you,
I will try to repair our gap,
I will not interrupt your space.
No need to push yourself,
I don’t need the answer now.
Just think about it,
and let me know when you’re ready with an answer.
I’ll prepare myself for it: good, or bad.
Take care always.
… I still do, love you.


I fold up the letter carefully and put it back into the envelope. It has been a week since that day I was supposed to go out with him. And so the letter has existed for over a week now. I really do hope we can go out some time, so what I wrote here would not just end up in the trash can. I really want to give this to him before I change my mind. The outcome of the letter is another story. To give this, I need to spend some time going out with him first – that is the way I plan it. I need to do that first… sort of to make up all this while that I have never been able to have a decent moment being and talking with him. Still, I am trying to keep my expectations low…

But, when would we go out? And how would I ask him again?

I hear my cell phone suddenly ringing. Much to my surprise, it is him. With my heart beating fast, I push the answer button and say hello…

Time is the best healer. Although I can’t find a reason why we are getting further apart from each other, time might be the best way to show us and let us know what will happen again in the future, between us. You can try to fix this “distance” in between us… but for me, the best way is to wait, and let time decide.


… I look at the clock of the phone after he hangs up. 15 minutes later after the call began, it seems like everything has drastically changed. I lie on my bed, laughing a bit.

I got dumped even before I could even begin trying.

The pearls of tears are starting to come out again.

This was not at all the kind of outcome I prepared for. It is more devastating. And I never saw it coming.

Nisa was closing her eyes – she was pretty much asleep actually, in a sitting position on the wooden bench in a public park located near to the city centre. Somehow, there really was a bit of tears, falling down her right cheek.

“What the hell?” He waved both his hands in front of her face, but got no response to it.

Pen looked at Nisa more closely, making sure he got the right person. Strange enough, he thought, to find her again, this time sleeping on a bench at the park that he had often gone to when he felt like forgetting all of his problems and tension.

“Wha.. are you crying in your sleep or something?” Pen sighed. He figured that he would just let her be, since she was calmly sleeping anyway and he would not want to disturb her. So he began walking away.

Just a metre later, he took a glimpse at her and realised she was, in fact, drooling a little. He went back to her, reversely walking. Quite interesting to see her like that, he thought.

He let out a long sigh. “There’s no way I can let you be, damn it. I already injured your head.”

Taking the empty space next to her on the bench, he noticed her moving.

“… who…”

He turned to look at her. Nisa rubbed her eyes, then realised part of her cheek was wet and there was saliva down her lip. She took out some tissues from her jean pockets to rub them off, still not realising Pen was there.

“Yo!” Pen said, louder, making Nisa surprised for sure this time around. She rubbed her eyes again, trying to have a better look at him, still having blurred vision.

He stared at her with a frown on his face. “You, what are you doing, sleeping here?”

She tried to find her voice that was cracking. “… Um… I… was going somewhere… and got lost. And ended up being here… though I don’t remember going to sleep…”

Pen raised his eyebrows. “That’s weird…”

Trying to sit up straight, Nisa was still confused, to think that she was crying in her sleep. She could remember the dream she just had as well, though not being too sure what it was all about. It was starting to make her feel uneasy.

“Heyya, um… sorry I threw stuff at your head,” Pen apologised. “How are you feeling?”

She rubbed her forehead, her head aching again. “Honestly… not too good.”

“Ah… my doctor was the one checking you last night. He will further check up on you again today, so you should tell him then.”

She looked at him, feeling grateful. “I see. Thanks…”

“Seriously, tell him it all. ‘Coz I was the one that hurt you. And, you were crying just now…”

Nisa pondered upon the fact she was crying just now and upon the dream. Although it was just a dream, she could remember it well and she felt like there was something important about it relating to herself. She could not find the missing link, however, even if she tried scanning her head for it; she just could not remember anything regarding it. It only added up to the pain of her aching head. “Um… yeah… it was probably a reminiscence but I wasn’t sure what it was about.”

Pen was blurred. “Reminiscence? Your dream? It made you cry?”

“Sort of…” Nisa was really confused. “I think… I have partial memory loss…”

Pen raised his eyebrows, again, widening his big eyes.

021

No... this is not working!

Pushing the blanket off her body, Nisa tried to get up; moving carefully as not to awaken Sarah who was sleeping next to her in that same bed that was also a king size. She was trying so hard to get some sleep after a bit of talking with Sarah, but it had not worked since she began trying almost three hours ago. All kinds of strange thoughts came clouding her mind; she was not even sure what they were, some of them seemed so vague.

At the same time, she was trying all she could to remember just the simplest detail of what seemed to be lost from her present memories - somehow, about the only part that was missing - all concerned with someone referred to as Joey. It was probably even more than that that she had no memories of anymore, only that she had not known about it yet.

"That name seems to mean something, but frankly speaking, I have nothing I could recall concerning him," Nisa was explaining to Sarah earlier.

"Seriously? You don't remember him at all?"

Nisa, shaking her head, felt so depressed somehow. Something inside wanted to come out so bad, yet, she did not even know what it was. It seemed so important.

"I..." Nisa was feeling empty, at her very worst. "It seems very crucial, Sarah. You all are good within my memories but I don't remember this Joey at all... what is this, Sarah? Why...?"

She could not help it; she began crying. Sarah, seemingly speechless, felt very bad for her. Giving her a good hug, she said, "Take some more rest. This probably has something to do with last night's accident. I know what I can do for you later on. We'll discuss it again later, okay? I promise, soon enough, I will try my best to help."

Sarah, a girl with family problems, regarding her family history. Also a girl with great warmth when dealt with, although at some point she could get over her head with things she found to be dissatisfied with which could get quite annoying - consider the situation between her and Pen. Still, in the worst situations, she always found a way to give comfort to the people around her and try to lend a helping hand if she could help solve the problem. Growing up in such a family, money never seemed to be a problem, though. Her mother became a successful businesswoman despite all the problems that happened in the family in the past, not failing to take care of the children and giving all her love to them even without anyone else's help. The children were educated well and able to live well without a father. Only, true problems always seemed to have risen everytime the topic regarding their father came up, in which the children found it to be devastating to deal with - an ignorant, violent, alcoholic father.

So there she was, in a considerably big and beautiful apartment that was quite costly to pay for every month, but never seemed to be a problem for Sarah for all the while she had lived there. She would have lived along with her if she had not agreed to share the same rented house with the other girls before she knew Sarah would be living there.

Regardless of all the good, comfy conditions, she failed to go back to sleep. In fact, she felt like going out for a moment, as if feeling the need to go somewhere specific although she had no idea where or why or how to get there.

Life really feels far from complete now.

Groggily trying to stand up on her feet, she tried to walk steadily toward the bedroom door. Just as she was going to open up the doorknob, she saw something on the small table next to the door, with its lights blinking clearly. It was Sarah's Garmin GPS phone, having its screen targeted on some kind of a map within Sussex.

In the midst of her confusion, she found the phone to be quite a tool, of which she would always find to be "cool" - as she would say so. Curiosity over such gadgets that she probably would never afford to own would always be quite overwhelming for her to supposedly take a short look at.

She had a feeling as well that it would lead her somewhere to lessen her burden of confusion.

Me never a tech kind of person.

Pressing some bit of buttons...

A new area appeared on the map. Although it seemed quite random and not a place she had been to before, there was some attraction to one place in the area on the map; an instinctive feeling telling her to go there. She decided that she would go, pretty much knowing her way to the place.

Am I kidding myself? Why this place, out of all other places in this town?

It was not so clear. But she took her headscarf and dressed up quite casually, knowing that she would definitely go on with the idea.

Remembering her things to bring this time, she took her small purse and her cell phone, fitting them into her jeans.

It was already about 8 a.m.. Supposedly there was no sign of unfortunate events by going on with the unplanned decision, only the bright sunlight coming in through the windows.

Off I go then. See you, Sarah.

020

Ouch...

Something seems to be slipping off.

It was 4 am in the morning. Nisa had wakened up again, shaking her head a bit; her head still all dizzy. She felt like something was not right.

"Hey, are you all right? I've been really concerned of you," Sarah spoke to her from the bedroom door as she was just done doing her facial cleansing, just about to get ready to go to bed.

"Yeah... think so," Nisa answered, in doubt. "It's just that something feels weird... aren't you going to sleep yet? It seems late." Nisa glanced at the alarm clock near the bed.

"I'm not sleepy somehow, all of a sudden. But I really wanna try to get some rest after such a day. Don't worry 'bout that..."

"Oh... I... see."

After a quick self-thought, Sarah came in. "Don't think too much. It's probably just... what has happened recently. Things could turn out to be hard now, but I'm sure it will be all right soon. Things with the people around us..."

Letting out a sigh, Nisa stared out in space. "I know but..."

It's not exactly like that...

"Something's just, off," Nisa told her. "Like, really, weird feeling inside."

Nodding her head as if she understood what Nisa was talking about, Sarah said, "I guess this is probably about him, huh?"

Him...?

"We will find out what is going on with him. This is what I was talking about - it's hard now, for you, for him too I guess, I don't know... but give it time. I'm sure there's some good things that will happen soon... give it time, it'd pay off."

Somehow there was a startled look on Nisa's face.

"I... don't... get it, what are you trying to say?"

Sarah sat down next to Nisa on the bed. "You know... come on, you know who I'm talking about. Don't give me that blank look."

Still Nisa was giving her a blank look as if obviously confused.

"Need I say it out loud? Joey... you've been having complicated problems with him since... I don't know, quite a while now? Although it may look quite simple to everyone else, it does seem complicated when I look at it..."

Nisa was blinking as she began to frown. "Joey?"

Joey...?

It pretty much seemed to echo in her head, but she could not understand it so well.

"Yeah, him of course. No other guy seems to matter to you in this kind of thing, apparently. Look, although he's off somewhere and we can't reach to him now, I'm sure he's out there, safe and sound, and will be back safely too. Anything else, put those things aside for now."

Nisa felt damn lost. "Sarah... I can't understand you."

"Nisa, I know it sounds better said than done, but please, calm down and don't worry too much. I know it seems weird and confusing now, but God always have reasons for everything that happens."

She shook her head. "I mean, Sarah..."

This is very freaking weird.

"I am confused, it does feel weird... but you have to understand what I am trying to say."

At that, Sarah stared back at her, surprised. Nisa really wanted to let her know about something. This seemed like something else.

"I don't... know..." Nisa was pretty much scratching her head, scanning her head for some information she thought she must have lost, somewhere. "I don't know why..."

"What is it?"

Nisa was puzzled. "I mean... Joey? Joey who? What are you talking about?"

019

It hurt, a lot.

"Itai!" Nisa tried to slowly touch the part where the cell phone had earlier hit her. "Darn..."

Outside the room, Sarah could hear her moaning while she was sipping on her coffee. "She woke up?" she asked, looking at Brian. Brian just shrugged his shoulders.

Pen exchanged glances with Brian. "Cool then, if she's woken up already, I guess I'd better be leaving." He stood up from the couch he was sitting on, his hand still putting the wet cloth over his head; dizzy from all the drinking he had had.

At that, Sarah glared at him again. "Whatever you want." She put down her cup of coffee and went into her room to check on Nisa. Pen stared at her before he took the next step to leave the house.

"Whatever back at you," he muttered and left the house without saying anything else. Brian just lay on the sofa, sighing.

Inside her room, Sarah could see that Nisa had awakened. She was so glad. "How are you?"

"This," she pointed to her bruise that had plasters on it, "really hurts."

"Haha..." Sarah sat down next to her as she tried to smile. "That is... really, bad, I know..."

Nisa barely smiled back. "I think I did something bad that I got this in return."

"Well, that moron Pen-" She stopped. Sarah would not want to let her worry about it no more. "Just rest here, right now, for the night."

"Um, sure."

Pen-cil, huh?

Then she remembered; he had thrown at her his own cell phone, causing her to fall out.

Remember?

Then I wonder what you remember anymore.

She could feel chaos running inside her head, with too many blurred thoughts.

I don't hate you.

There was something there, but she could not remember what it was. A dream with details she could not remember.

I don't hate you, the words kept running into her head. The words seemed to come from somewhere else, but not from her own.

Hate, who? What?, she asked herself.

As Sarah left her in the room all by herself, she was feeling so confused. Too much mix-up going on in her mind.

018

I hate you.

It seemed like a clear statement from her to him, not really spoken but was rather muttered by her in an empty, white and bright room. He only looked back at the girl, who was looking down on the blank floor, his eyes were red; even if it was just her muttering, he heard it too well.

"Might as well forget about it, then," he said, breaking the silence.

From the empty white room, it went on to become a room with many broken chairs and tables, seemingly unused for years and had a row of windows at one side of the room. She sat still on a broken, wooden chair, while he stood next to her.

"It is better this way," he continued speaking, as he looked ahead of himself to outside the windows, to the empty field right outside the room; the sunshine was shining brightly. "It cannot be avoided."

There she was, stuck with nothing good to say.

"Enough of all of this. It brings more and more frustation and dissatisfaction to both of us." He took a short glance at her. "It might be the only way there is."

"That's not true," she commented. "I don't think so..."

"You hate me." He looked at her again for a moment. "So you should know so." He let out a sigh. "Nothing else."

She was held at the top of her breath again.

But then...

Her other self spoke from her back in whispers, putting up a face rather emotionless. "Would you tell it to him?"

No way. But...

No, it was all just a cover up.

It was basically, not what it seems.

For in truth I hated you; you, as in that deep, feeling I couldn't get rid of; that feeling of my love for you.

For there is no way I could hate you so suddenly when I love you.

That I wanted a reason to get over you.

As it seems like you got over me a long time ago.. and that it doesn't seem to matter to you of what bad things you often say to me.

So I thought I was trash to you for a while, getting over-sensitive for that one stupid while.

It just proves my weakness, affected by my troubled feelings.

Now you think I hate you...

I think now you hate me too.

"You," he said after a long silence, looking at her in the eye, as if wanting to say something else. "Anything else?"

She felt awkward and confused, guzzling. I know that doing or saying anything now would either make no difference, or just makes it worse... like it has been before...

Then he turned his gaze away. "I have nothing else to say." Putting his hands in his jean pockets, he seemed ready to leave. "Goodbye."

Goodbye?

"Nisa, wait, this can't be how you want it to be!" Her emotionless, other self just went rather uptight. At the same time, she just stared at the face of the guy who was standing right beside her a moment ago, who was then leaving, one step after another.

I can't do anything now.

He must want all of this to stop in his life now. He got tired of it.

A full stop. Me, out of it.

"You know you wanna say something, don't you?"

Forget it... She closed her ears with her palms, closing her eyes, feeling annoyed with herself. "Shut up now, stop!"

"You're ruining it."

I already ruined it. Forget about it.

"That's it?! What, forget everything just like that?! Impossible! It's bakarashii!!"

Her eyes were stung with tears, and she was trying hard to avoid them from coming out. I always hope the best will happen for you in your life.

Things seemed to be falling out of place.

I forgot I cried.......

Then I wonder what you remember anymore.

I don't wanna hear it... stop!

The wooden chair suddenly broke down, sending her falling to the ground.

I've fallen. Forgive me. She looked up, somehow, seeing the skies.

"Stop it!"

Her eyes opened slowly. She could hear quite a fuss going on around her, or somewhere there.

"I know what I did, all right?" he shouted out loud, enraged. "So shut up!"

Sitting down on the couch, Pen rubbed his head, as he took the wet rug from Brian and put it over his forehead, his head in pain.

"I won't forgive you for this," Sarah declared, glaring at him from the kitchen area; as she was making a cup of coffee there in her own house.

Pen kept silent, as he continued rubbing his head. Brian looked on, not saying much, as he sat on the one-seat sofa next to the couch. "Whatever, guys."

"Damn. Why was she there anyway?!" Pen grumbled. His sanity was going off the drain as the seconds passed. He was unable to think clearly for most of that day all the way through the night that he felt like going mad wherever he went. When Nisa passed out, he went on walking out. There were a few of others there who were passing by; they were quick to help Nisa out and they were definitely not going to let Pen go so easily, so they pulled him back to the scene. He was almost going to be as good as dead as some men there were already beating him up. All of a sudden, the cell phone that he used to throw at Nisa went ringing; much to his surprise, expecting that it would have been dead and no longer functioning, looking at its current shape at that time, it seemed already broken. That was when Brian called him up. And that had later brought them there after Nisa was checked by Pen's private doctor that night. At least that was Pen's way to redeem for himself.

Inside Sarah's bedroom, Nisa had awakened. She had a part of her forehead with plasters on, where it really hurt when she tried to touch it.

She tried to get up, her head hurting. At the same time, she had a strange feeling inside her, somehow.

017

Walking without stability, Pen did not care to consider what was going on around him, across the streets or wherever he was at. The day would soon fall into the night, and he really had no specific place he wanted to go to.

To the goody bookstore... he thought, remembering how he and Jennifer used to enjoy themselves spending time at local bookstores around the town. But looking at the actual condition, it did not seem like he was directed to anywhere good, only the closest pubs in town. He was headed to streets where there was not much of anyone around.

Following behind him was Nisa, who tried to not be too apparent so as not for him to realise that she was there.

"Ah...?" Somehow, Pen was having strange feeling about it, though, so he turned around. There she was, standing with her tiny eyes looking quite stunned when he suddenly turned to look behind, at her.

"Whatta hell..." Although the vision of her was quite a blur, he recognised Nisa. "What are you doing? Get out of here."

Nisa had a moment of thought, as she stayed in silence. Pen continued walking ahead of himself, leaving her behind. Still, she followed him anyway, ignoring his commands.

As he moved on, he could still feel like he was being followed; so he turned back around. "You! Don't bother me!" Fuming, he continued walking again, faster this time around.

Nisa was suddenly chuckling, as she kept following him anyway, having faster pace just as Pen was going away faster. She had funny thoughts inside her head about the situation. However, Pen was thinking otherwise; he was damn annoyed.

"Whatta heck are you doing?!!" Pen stopped again and yelled at her, furious.

"You, Pencil, seem like in a bad shape," Nisa told him with a monotonous tone.

He was raising his eyebrows with a frown. "Hah?" He turned to the trash bin that was near him and kicked it down till the garbage fell out from it onto the street. "And what do YOU care anyway?"

Nisa went silent for a while, not giving much response. She muttered something to herself, unheard by him.

"WHATEVER!" Pen moaned again, turning away. He gave her a rather serious warning, "if you follow me again, you'll regret it."

As he walked away, he kept looking behind him to see if she was going to follow him again; of which, she did not seem like she was, anymore. Nisa stood still for a moment, unsure of what she was doing or what she would do next.

After Pen had gone out far enough, she decided she would still come along, having nothing else that she would want to worry for, whatever the circumstances would be. Pen who kept looking behind every 5 seconds then realised it; his steps came to a stop.

"Now you've done it." He reached the pockets of his leather jacket and took out his rather new cell phone, taking a good look at it for two seconds and then taking the look away to her face later. Nisa got stunned again, and stopped moving.

"Lisa, I really hate technologies," he claimed as he stared hard at her. "Now you've just made me hate both the technology, and you."

She was unsure what that would mean he would do next, and went blurred for a moment.

Pen suddenly threw the phone at her, and it hit her directly in the head.

Nisa fell to the ground, thinking about how silly that move was as she heard the fallen sound of the phone onto the street, now all broken, as bad as the sound was. She was falling out of consciousness, again.

016

Accepting things the way it already happened should be the way to go, she thought inside her head. It has always been that way.

Nisa looked on, not sure what she was feeling anymore. Arguments often happened between her and Joey, she had been used to it, to the point that it did not matter much to her anymore. As long as everything else was fine, it did not matter much, because at the end of the day, she knew there would be a better thing to happen later on. Everything had a reason for it.

There was a reason for it this time that she thought would be silly and good at the same time. Stupidity. She was looking for a reason to get over everything, at the same time it was covering up for every other problem, ruining it all. It was good to get over things that way, but at the same time it was stupid, damn silly. It really did not explain much of the actual truth; it seemed fake.

She pondered, feeling lost; then she stared at the box of tissue in front of her on the dining table and suddenly remembered something. I forgot I cried.

Nisa held the curtain near her open, as she sat down alone on her own at a table by the window, taking a sip of the coffee she just ordered five minutes ago at that small cafe in town.

“Then I wonder what you remember anymore.” The other Nisa stared back at her with a curious look on her face, sitting opposite to her. “Don’t mourn over this.”

“I’m not mourning, baka,” Nisa muttered as if talking to the other Nisa, in reality talking to herself. She looked down to her coffee, feeling blank. She did not know what to do anymore. There was a solemn feeling inside, at the same time it felt like erupting like a volcano. Often she hated that kind of mixed, tensed feeling that had always made her feel choked up inside, like another death penalty.

The other Nisa lay back to the chair unsatisfied with what seemed like Nisa’s weakness to admit the obvious. “You’re lame.”

I guess so. Whatever.

“Whatevers – are annoying, do you know that?” Imaginary Nisa asked, as if infuriated by now, crossing her arms over her chest.

I might realise that, but sometimes I can’t care enough about it.

"FUCK YA DAMN MORONS!"

She turned her attention to the noise coming from the cashier's counter; obviously, everybody else there was also looking. A man just grew upset at the lady over at the counter, as what she could presume from what she was seeing.

Duh. Where are good manners anymore? Even here I can't settle at peace drinking coffee, here there's someone growing upset and throwing unnecessary bad wordings to the cashier!

Imaginary Nisa looked on at the counter, raising her eyebrows. "I know that fella, if you ask me."

Nisa did not seem to realise it when she first looked upon the person yelling at the counter, not until the other Nisa reminded her of it. Nisa turned around to have a second look.

Pen?

"I'm sorry, sir, but we are unable to help you for what you requested," the lady at the counter commented as she was beginning to go frantic at his behaviour towards her. A man came up to the two of them; as it turned out he was the manager of the place itself, wanting to help out with the situation.

"Everything okay here?"

Pen pounded his fists on the counter table, somehow, he was losing his grip on everything. "THE HELL NOT!"

The manager was starting to feel threatened. "Sir, please calm down. I'm sure we are able to settle this in a more proper manner," the manager spoke out as nicely as he could, not wanting to worsen the situation.

The lady at the counter snorted. "Harold, he's asking for pretzels here!" she whispered to her manager, facing away from Pen. "I think he's been drinking.."

"IT'S ABSURD YOU DON'T HAVE SUCH A SIMPLE THING! WHAT IS UP WITH YOU PEOPLE??" Pen was bending his body over towards the two, as if getting more upset and was ready to start a fight.

Another man showed up behind Pen. "What is this commotion?" He exchanged glances with the manager.

The manager whispered to the lady of the counter, "if this gets worse, I want you to call the police." He took a deep breath, still wanting to end the situation in the most appropriate manner. "Sir, if you would like, please take a look at our menu and ask for what we have available. I apologise, but we don't have what you earlier requested here," the manager said to Pen.

Pen moaned loudly. "I WANT WHAT I WANT!"

"Sir, if you continue this, we would have to call the cops," the manager finally said to him.

Pen's eyes were blinking. "Oh, YEAH? GO AHEAD, HECK LIKE I CARE!" He went over and pulled the manager's collars, his adrenaline rush was flowing faster than ever; he could not care no more.

"Sir, stop-" the manager muttered. The counter lady went off to the back of the kitchen to call for help while the other man was trying to lay things off. Throughout the entire place, the situation was getting more attention from every other customer there, and more men were beginning to get up and help out. A bit farther away, Nisa was getting more surprised to what was happening; she sat there, just watching, wondering what she could do, since she knew Pen. Not wanting to stay silent watching her friend getting in trouble, she stood up to get to him.

"Hey, let it go, lad," commanded a man in his fifties as he tried to pull Pen away from the manager, just as the other man earlier on was trying to pull Pen's arms away.

Sick of getting more and more people bugging into the business, Pen let off his grab from the manager and struggled with the men to let go of him. "LET ME GO!" He groaned yet again, as the men got off him when he let go of the manager. "Fine, whatever, leave me alone!" Pen took off from that cafe in a split second, leaving the men at the counter area in curiosity.

"What's the matter with that young man?" the man in the fifties inquired, as the manager shook his head.

Hey, wait a minute Pencil!

Nisa followed him from behind, at the same time, not wanting him to realise her presence.

015

This time Nisa pushed the "Call" button again, somehow still having hopes somewhere deep inside of her that she would get a different response than the same voicemail alert she had been getting since the past one week or so.

However, this time, it went ringing, much to her surprise. Her heart began beating faster.

There's a sign of improvement!

It went on ringing for almost the next fifteen seconds withot getting picked up, and she was already going to give up her hopes again.

Then it was picked up, and a voice answered.

"Hello."

Nisa startled, gulping without responding a word. It was a female voice.

"Who is this? Are you looking for Joey?" The voice went on.

Who is this?

"DAMN IT! Who the heck do they think they are anyway?!" A male voice was heard yelling in the background. A voice she recognised so well.

"Wait, who're you talking to?" he asked, the voice getting louder by the second, as if approaching by. "We can't answer calls right now!"

"Ouh, sorry, I was just-"

Nisa was just listening, having a lot of questions running inside of her head.

After a slight noise on the other side, the male voice was then talking on the phone to Nisa, snorting. "Yup."

Nisa could not believe it. That was really him. "Joe?"

"Yeah it's me. Why you called?"

She felt stuck there. It could have been obvious enough, but as usual, he was acting like nothing had really happened.

"Where have you been?" she asked with concern.

"Somewhere. It doesn't matter anyway."

She felt stuck, again.

"You've been gone for days, we've been looking for you, no one knows where you've gone... where are you? Are you okay? What happened?" she said, a little bit stuttering, after a short silence.

"Fuck." There was a loud noise on the other side, as if something big just crashed or had just been hit hard. "Fuck it, leave me alone. Let me be gone, for all that you care, I don't. You don't need to know anything, fucking anything you won't understand anything! Fuck you, I don't want you to trouble me anymore than I already am right now so just, LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Then he hung up.

It left Nisa stunned, stoned, and crushed.

Yappari na.

014

"What I know of is that there's Brighton Police Station, Hove, all at maximum 2 miles away from where you were eating instead of going to the Sussex Police, which is what, 10 miles away?" Pen explained to them while he was lying on his couch in his apartment, his eyes set on the television in front of him.

"Shut up already, I know it now, all right?" Brian moaned as he was blowing smoke out of his mouth, holding a cigarette with his right hand, still in his bad mood. He was seated on the armchair, close to where Pen was. "It's not like I didn't know some of those you said, I've told her, but she wasn't listening to me."

Pen glared at him. "If she was really that unprepared to go to the police, then you should've been the one driving the car, instead of her, moron."

Not in the mood to be arguing, Brian sat up straight and stared at Pen, discontented, while his head was directed upward. He figured that Pen was probably making sense.

"My intention is to help her face her fear, or so, that's all."

Brian remembered the time after the three of them were done eating at the restaurant and they were going to go to a police station straight after that, much to Sarah's hesitation.

"No can do, then?" Brian asked to Sarah who was just done making a phone call, as he was returning Nisa's cellphone back to her after getting Joey's phone number in his hometown in Terengganu, Malaysia for his own information to keep. Out of the three of them, Sarah was the one who made the call to his home back in Malaysia, speaking in the normal Malay language, asking to speak to Joey, but he was not there and had not been home since the past 7 months.

"His brother was the one talking, telling me about Joey's furthering his studies here in Britain so he hadn't been home for a long time already now," Sarah told them.

"No suspicion that his bro is missing in action, cool," Brian stated, lying against Sarah's right side of the car as they were standing in front of the restaurant.

"Cakap melayu, bunyi tak macam international call la," Nisa spontaneously blurted out to add up to what Brian just said, not realising she was speaking her native Malay language in front of Brian. At that, Brian was stunned for the second to hear Nisa speak in her national language - he never heard any of them speak it before.

"You said international call what?" Brian looked at her anxiously, exchanging a few glances with Sarah who was then smiling at both of them. "Man, you hardly speak your local language. Let me hear it again?"

Then Nisa realised it, surprising herself, probably being caught up in her mind with something else at that time. "Ah, sorry, I mean, err, speaking Malay would, of course, not cause suspicion at Joey's own home.. since they all speak Malay at home, like we all do back in Malaysia."

"Then I hardly hear you converse in Malay with Sarah... or in fact, Sarah," Brian turned his attention to Sarah, "you hardly do, converse in any other language with anyone else as long as I've known you. Was it, I never heard you do that not even once?"

With a smile, Sarah said, "Then, you wouldn't understand me. And anyway, Nisa and I both enjoyed it, kinda used to it, I guess, but we never forget where we came from."

Nisa nodded. "We still speak Malay, just that you don't hear us often."

"Well, cool, maybe I can learn it." He grinned, feeling quite interested in doing so. He felt like he could get to know Sarah better that way, of which Sarah had told him about quite a few times.

"Then, no luck of Joey." Nisa returned them to what they were all trying to do in the first place, to find Joey. Brian snorted, feeling quite bad that he knew where this would lead Sarah to.

"Gotta go to the police." Brian stood up straight in front of Sarah, looking at her right in the eye. "We gotta face this. You, drive and I'll be looking out from right beside you." He turned to ask Nisa, "okay with you?" Nisa nodded again in agreement, as Sarah just looked at them both with a worried look on her face.

After that, Sarah turned to become more anxious than she was before.

"Whoa, wait there a minute, are you sure this is the right way?" Brian asked her, having a strange feeling about the route they were taking as Sarah was driving silently. "Sarah?" He knew something was off just by looking at her face.

"Sarah, where are you going?" Nisa asked from the passenger's seat. "I thought we're headed for Brighton, you gotta take Southover Street, this is the wrong way."

"It's barely a mile away, Sarah..." Brian was looking at her. "Take it easy, okay?"

"I'm doing fine here, okay?" She was distracted, and seemingly dissatisfied, at the same time having a worried look on her face. "Just fine..."

"But Sarah, you gotta stop. This is the opposite way of Brighton Station," Brian reminded her.

Sarah seemed to gulp. "No, I'm not driving there. I'm going to Sussex Station."

Brian was surprised, knowing that would be sort of ten more miles away. He and Nisa exchanged glances.

"You... know the route?" Nisa asked, concerned. "Coz that's quite far-"

"Of course I do!"

"Okay, then," Nisa said, signaling to Brian to deal with it nicely and patiently.

He moaned. "Fine, it's your car, and you're driving," Brian muttered, thinking this would be wasting more time and energy for all of them.

After passing by the University of Sussex along the way and going through long roads and a few roundabouts, they seemed not to be getting anywhere fifty minutes later.

"You definitely took the wrong turn somewhere," Brian told Sarah, fuming, as they were going down Ashcombe Hollow. "This doesn't seem right."

"Damn," Sarah was panicking in silence as she kept on driving.

Nisa was getting worried. "Sarah, this is getting out of hand. I think we're all tired. Are you sure about this?"

"What are you talking about? We've gone this far!" Sarah said, almost yelling. Nisa would not dare to say anything to make any of them both mad any worse than they were, although the night was already getting quite late.

"Still..." Nisa was in doubts, muttering to herself.

"Sarah, turn around. No sign board, this is getting quite local." Brian turned to face her. "Gotta trust me."

At turning around, they took another turn, and ended up driving to a place where there were hardly anyone around, quite a deserted place filled with empty lots of small shops. They were then clueless of where they were, and were tired, and very discontented with each other, especially between Brian and Sarah. They had both been arguing the entire time for the cause of them getting lost until the morning, mainly caused by each other's ego, also because Nisa was too afraid to enter in between them to have anything to say. Brian ended up falling asleep in the car, as Sarah kept driving to find a way back to where they came from instead of going to the police station like they first intended to. It seemed foolish, indeed.

"We found you there, while looking for our way back home," explaining what happened to Pen, Brian was feeling guilty about what happened between him and Sarah. "Idiot, what happened to you?"

Pen laughed at himself. "Nothing, really. I was dumped again, had a drink, had an accident, got robbed and even got threatened by a thug by a knife - might get killed there, all in a day... that's all."

Brian was dumbfounded by his act of "nothingness". "Nothing, you said?"

Pen was smiling at him now. "You know what buddy...?"

To have Pen call him a buddy, made Brian feel weirder since it was kind of unlikely.

"Let me be on my own right now. And... you, talk to Sarah, huh?" Pen got up and went to his room, shutting the door behind him, without looking back, leaving Brian astounded.

Pen? On his own? That's so not like him.

Although he knew, everyone needed a moment on their own.

Wait a minute, he was dumped again? Which means?

013

Am I seeing stars again?

"HEY!"

Smoke was coming out from the bonnet of his convertible car. Driving under the influence at night, Pen was not able to control his car too well and swerved to the side of the street where he nearly hit someone he never really saw there sooner - hitting the street light instead. Fortunately for him, he was fine, other than being quite out of his mind for the time being.

"Watch out where you're going!" The guy he nearly hit before continued shouting at him. He was the only one still walking around there, of what seemed like a dark street that hardly anyone goes to.

Silent, Pen stared up to the lights above him, oblivious to his surroundings or whatever just happened around him. In his mind, he was only seeing the light from the street light above him that he had just hit with his car. Without much thoughts in his head, he just smiled at the damaged street mast.

Stars...

"Hey you! Don't you hear me? You could've killed me!" Again, the guy yelled at him, now coming closer to him, furious. Wearing a black hoody and brown cargo pants, of what seemed like a local drug addict, he drew himself closer to Pen, thinking to get back some compensation from him, some big compensation.

"You..." He called out louldly, now standing right next to his broken car. Pen turned from the light to look at him, feeling vague.

"Huh?"

Pen then saw him holding a knife in his right hand, as if ready to strike down at him with it in a downward position. Still it came into his senses that he could be in a dangerous situation at that moment, quite slowly. Too slowly.

That is... a... He blinked a few times, seeing the knife as a sparkling rectangular object that he could not identify, assuming it was some kind of a weird torchlight, thus decided to ignore the fella.

"Give me your money, all you've got!" The threat slid through Pen's ears like it meant nothing at all.

A noisy thug with a bling in his hand... He continued looking at the street lamp above his head, grinning to himself - giving a thought to the guy that he was, actually, a psycho.

"I SAID, GIVE ME WHAT YOU GOT!" He yelled out, louder, as he got closer to Pen and pulled his shirt up with his left hand, putting the knife right in front of his nose. At that, Pen forgot about the street light above him but just focused on the light of the street lamp rebounding from the guy's knife directly into his eyes. He gave no response, as if he had no fear, in fact he really felt nothing inside other than the eagerness to look at the light.

Pen simply snorted. "I ain't got anything..."

It seemed as if the guy threatening him could not take it anymore and had grown out of patience. "Weakling. You make me sick." He kept his knife away as Pen just watched him doing so. The guy opened the door of the driver's seat and looked through Pen's trousers' pockets to find his wallet or anything that could be valuable and took them away, all without Pen fighting back or even realising what was happening in his own car. In a few seconds, the guy took away every valuable he could find in the car. As a matter of fact, he could have taken the car away too, if he could start the engine again and the car was not broken - he would just leave Pen there, stranded on the street, left with nothing.

The guy opened up Pen's wallet before leaving. "Hah! Thanks man." Then he began taking off, with his last words to Pen, "Nothing for you now but your car, dude!"

All Pen could do was just moan, feeling like it was just like it was in his unreal dream.

_________________________________________________________________________________


Sparkling little thingy.

Nothing's sparkling here. It's gonna shine yeah, from the sun I know.

It's shining... and it's the stars...

What stars? It's almost morning. Get up, moron.

He could not tell what was going on.

"I smell you, you stink, now, get up!"

Suddenly he could feel very cold water being poured onto his face which made him wake up instantly, shaking his head out like a doggy. He rubbed his eyes hard, able to see the vision of several people standing next to him, talking. "Now, driving under the influence is a serious offense which can result in imprisonment, a substantial fine and loss of your driving permit, did you know that?!" The same male voice was the one yelling like the first one he first heard, indeed, sounding familiar.

"What are you, a lawyer?" He heard a female voice, quite distant, but becoming closer. "Pen, you with us? What happened?"

AH, damn it. His head hurt bad because of his drinking last night, and apparently it was not dark as it used to be anymore, as if it was almost dawn.

"Man, how'd you get here? There's hardly anyone around. Lucky we're here!"

Pen looked up. "Brian." He put both his palms against his head, still feeling dizzy. "Sarah, Nisa. I barely remember much." He looked at Brian. "How did you get here?"

Brian raised his eyebrows, pointing his fingers to Sarah. "She from steak to night driving to extreme police anxiety to getting us lost till the morning to getting us nowhere!"

She was starting to grow mad at his attitude of keeping blaming others.

"Shut up already!" She yelled and moaned, feeling very dissatisfied as Nisa just looked on, not quite sure what to say.

"Hey, you're the one who got us here, supposedly goin' to the police station in Lewes but you got us all lost instead!" Brian claimed back at her, also mad. He looked like he had not been able to get enough sleep. "Buggin' around with my sleepin' time, what is it, 4 am or somethin'?"

"I'm the one driving the car, it's my car, if you have a problem with me then don't ride with me!"

Oh man, what they arguing about now? Pen felt irritated, feeling pain around his nape of neck.

"Enough already, Sarah just took the wrong turn that just caused us going to the wrong route. We're not exactly lost, we are still in Sussex. Just that everything's needing longer time because you guys are always fighting over unnecessary things, taking unnecessary time," Nisa barged in out of the blue.

"You guys aren't solving anything," Nisa stated, getting to Pen who was about to fall back into slumberland again. "Whoa there, hang in there, you two, there are better things to do right now, huh?" Nisa said to the two, indicating she needed help.

Sarah moaned hard and turned away from Brian. As Pen was waking up again, Nisa opened his car door and tried to pull him out, with the assistance of Brian.

"I'll take your things from your car, Pen. We'll get this for repairs since we can't start it," Sarah said, after trying to start the engine.

"We'll take you to the hospital-" Brian told him as he helped to carry him to Sarah's car. "Yeah, thanks, Nisa. I can take it from here." Being the girl with the height that was not up to Pen's standards, there was not much that Nisa could really help much with him, unfortunately.

"I hate hospitals, don't take me there anymore, I'm fine..." Pen exclaimed feebly.

"You're like this and you said you're fine??"

"I'll be FINE," Pen said assuringly, this time turning to look at Brian with a serious look in his eyes. Brian looked back at him, puzzled.

"Fine it is, then."

"Yeah, I am fine." Pen walked out from Brian who was leading him by the hand when he saw clearly where Sarah's Nissan Altima was and immediately went inside to the rear seat, turning his head away from Brian. Letting out a deep sigh, Brian decided to not bother about it for the moment despite everyone's being moody. He checked on what the rest were doing.

At Pen's broken car, Sarah was kinda puzzled. She turned back around. "Hey Pen, don't you keep your MP3 player in your car? Usually in the compartment? Seems like nothing's here."

With the car windows all open, Pen could hear her from where he was, even if it was not too clear. He suddenly remembered something.

Pen checked his pockets and then all over his body. Feeling dissatisfied, he turned around to the window and yelled out, "I've been robbed! Under the stars!"

012

He stared down, speechless, although he had too many things to say in his head only waiting to come out in words. Sitting like a statue on the chair next to the hospital bed where Jennifer was silently lying in, Pen was dying inside. So was Jennifer.

"Glad you're back, Jen," he finally said to Jennifer who had already awakened from sleep. All left in the ward were the two of them.

Still in groggy condition and with her cracky voice, she turned her head slowly to face him. "Me too."

Pen looked at her with the most sincere smile he had ever had in the longest time. "It's been a long time. We all miss you... I miss you."

It was unlikely for her to see him that way. Pennsylvania McCain never seemed like the kind of guy who would ever cry or even put up a face like he did at that moment. He was a guy with foul mouth, strange facial expressions and messed up hairstyles, making him not look like he came from a wealthy family at all.

"Van..." she muttered out slowly. Pen then moved closer to her to hear to what she had to say.

"...you have to let me go."

Like all the stupid cartoons he had watched on television before, he envisioned a lightning bolt striking right through his heart, shattering it into trillions of pieces, impossible to be put back into one. But it was not like he had not expected such things from happening to him, from her, as he knew he had been expecting too much. He only hoped all the while for her to get back to life again and show her pretty smile. He just wished that she had not really said it directly to him.

Smiling, Pen said, "I know. I'm just glad you're okay now."

__________________________________________________________________________________


Where is he?

Her mind was going to be torn apart, just thinking about it. It had been several days already, and nobody knew where Joey had been to, no news about him at all, nothing. Every single minute that passed by was driving her crazy.

"Sarah, let's report this to the police or something."

With the food she just took into her mouth, being chewed, Sarah almost choked at hearing the word police somehow. Brian, Nisa and her were all having their meal at a halal restaurant off over Eastern Road of Brighton, East Sussex.

"Police?" Sarah asked, surprised.

Nisa looked at Brian for a response. He was silent for a moment.

"Might be good..." Brian said after giving a bit of thought. "Still... I haven't tried calling back his home or anything like that... I don't know the numbers..."

"I might know. Can you help me?" Nisa asked assuringly.

Taking a glance at the confused Sarah, Brian was sure of it. "Sarah and I would both help, I'm sure, we're all friends!"

At those positive words, Nisa confidently smiled. "Thank you! Although, you barely know me."

Continuing eating his spaghetti (obviously he was hungry), Brian just nodded. "Neoo whorries," he muttered to her before he finished eating.

"Um, hey!" Sarah raised her hand before continuing to eat her steak. "Do we really need to deal with the police?"

Knowing the kind of person Sarah was, Brian knew, no matter how responsible she was, however good, however kind, however independent, she had a hard time dealing with certain things in her life. Sarah's father was a troubled alcoholic and her mother lived to become quite troubled herself, although not quite as bad as he was. During those troubled days, there would always be the need to deal with the people that she learned not be fond of - the police. This was not exactly something that Nisa was aware of, only Brian was.

"Chill, Sarah. It will be fine. We're doing this for Joe," Brian tried to talk her over calmly, this time without food in his mouth.

Sarah stared at him, blunt.

Chill, sure.

It made her go back thinking about the days when her mother used to be depressed because of her father's sudden appearance and death. To treat the depression, she used to be on Paxil, or Seroxat, or chemically known as paroxetine, whatever name you wish to call it. It made her so suicidal that she needed to be hospitalised to make sure she would be safe, even then she was quite violent toward herself. It caused her to lose her appetite and she lost her weight a lot in just 2 weeks, causing her had to be kept warded at the hospital. It changed the happy mother whom she used to know before her alcoholic father ever appeared into a solemn woman who barely spoke or smiled anymore. It hurt her to see her mother that way, and she could do nothing about it.

Although that was back a few years ago, she could not help but felt bad about it. Life changed for her whole family when her father came back that one day, and it made her wish that he never came back at all, for her mother could have been happier today. In spite of that, her mother was getting better by the day, compared to the days when she was still in the hospital. She had stopped being on Paxil, much to the family's enlightenment.

"Are you gonna eat that or what?"

"Ah, this actually tastes good," Nisa ate a part of Sarah's steak, just to taste it, she thought - smiling, as she had already finished her spaghetti which was the same order as Brian's.

"Hey, it does," Brian, too, ate the steak and laughed, somehow having fun doing so.

"HEY, why are you both eating MY dinner? I didn't eat yours!" Sarah exclaimed, unsatisfied. Brian, enjoying himself, grinned at her.

"We finished first, that's why. You were dreaming. And this dinner is your treat!" Brian kept grinning. He placed both of his elbows on the table, with his palms holding his head up. He watched her eat. "Hurry up then."

Nisa only chuckled. "You two are funny people."

"Don't watch me eat!" Sarah's cheeks were turning red.

__________________________________________________________________________________


Ah. Jen, I see stars, I'm seeing stars!

It was like a line from Starry Eyed Surprise from Crazy Town. Coming out from a bar across Southover Street in Brighton, East Sussex, Pen headed for his car parked right next to the dustbin just as he remembered it just now.

Jen, just as I wished for... I'm so glad...

"Thank you, Van." He could see Jennifer smile right ahead of him while he was seated at the driver's seat, ready to go. There she was, walking away from him... and suddenly gone.

Hey, wait a second.

"I.. I have something to give you first before you go. Wait up!"

The keys were in. He turned the engines on, and sped away.

011

"You did come here with a smile," Rina said, grinning as she passed to Joey a plate of toasted bread with peanut butter spread. Joey, reaching out his right hand to take it did not smile nor did he frown, he just felt strange.

"I so didn't smile." He took the toast and ate it - seemingly hungry, or more properly to be said as starving, indeed.

"Yes you did, I saw you. It must've been hard to find my home." She smiled. "You also didn't say you were hungry, just thirsty."

He continued eating without saying a reply as she kept on smiling at him. He had earlier had 2 glasses of water before he ate the toast. Joey had put his backpack on the floor by his left foot, of which under it lay a beautiful red carpet that protected the marble floor from the dining table. All he got in the backpack was all he had to live with while being away from university for the moment. It was a pretty one-storey terrace house with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. She lived there with her other two siblings, an older brother and a younger sister. Her brother, Aman now was no longer living in the house as he had moved out to work in another state - she had no idea what he was currently working as. As for her sister, Aishah, being sixteen years old, she was put in a residential school in Yorkshire, full boarding, much to her disliking. They were not exactly wealthy people, but seemingly they were living comfortably in that home.

"You also need to wash up," Rina complained again, looking at his messy looks.

"I'm fine, thanks, I did wash up already today. I'm staying at a motel nearby, ok? I'm not that sloppy." He snorted, taking another sip of water with his left hand, not letting go of the toast at his right hand.

Rina laughed again. "Just teasing you. Come visit me here often for the moment, yup?"

Having eaten half of the toasted bread, Joey put it on the plate and looked at Rina. "How's things, then?"

Then he was already going into the topic of why he was even there at her home in the first place. It was a last minute plan, out of rush. Screw classes, lectures or anyone in East Sussex, he told no one. Left everyone without a word. He turned off his cell phone in case any of them decided to contact him as he did not want to be reached. He wanted to come to Rina's home alone, undisturbed, and help her. Until he did, he would not return or go let them meddle in between his business.

Rina looked down, her expression turned solemn. "My mom's called her lawyer and taken the first step, as I feared she would."

The conversation itself had got serious now. "I thought your dad disagreed with this?"

"He did, at first he really argued about it with her," her voice now sounded teary and unclear. "They both began arguing. It sounded so bad from inside of my room where I was, so close I could hear almost everything. There was a sound of something broken down..."

Before he came here, he already had the information that Rina's parents might have a divorce, which he got from Rina's emergency midnight call herself. Somehow it made him feel called to go over there to help her out, with it being a family matter, even with him having no plans at all or simply being, well, a simpleton. He just wanted to be there and help her out.

Joey was listening and looking at her so closely that he did not move one bit. He realised that she was starting to cry talking about what happened the night her parents decided for sure that they were going to have a divorce, and he did not know what to do to console her.

"...there was a moment of silence. A long one. It was after that that they knocked on my door and came in together and told me that they were going to separate from each other, and that's it. It was late, they thought I didn't hear a thing!"

"Rina," he spoke out as gently as he could. He took a deep breath and reached out for her hand.

Things back at home aren't too good for me to say anything nice to her here...

"Don't worry... thank you for being here." With her right hand, she held his left hand tight back.

I don't really know...


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The news she just heard seemed like the best news she just had since the past decade. Brian and Sarah could only smile for their classmate.

"Going home is excellent!" Nisa said with excitement. She took her clothes from the nurse with her biggest grin yet and went to the toilet, just near to her bed.

"Ah, gladly, this time you'd better not come back here, back on the hospital bed!" Sarah made her remark, yet again, like she had always been, almost like a caring sister. She acted that way almost to everybody.

Once out of sight, Brian spoke, "She still needs to be watched out for."

Sarah sat down on the hospital bedside with a worried face. "I know that. Even before all this, her attitude's been worrying."

"Joe's been missing too, for one thing." He leaned toward the back, straightening his body up as he was seated on the chair. "He hasn't been back for days now and he hasn't told me anything."

"We gotta find him." She looked at Brian, really concerned. "Nisa could really lose her mind."

Brian stopped to think at that. "He's got a girl already, you know?"

"Yeah..."

Sarah remembered how much her close friend cared about Joey. There were some things she knew about the both of them, they had been close for quite a time and at the moment, he never had any girlfriend yet. All three of them were studying at the same institution in Malaysia, of which Nisa and Joey both got there on scholarship while she got there privately.

However things seemed to have changed when their journey was about to come to an end there and when they were about to fly to the United Kingdom. Before she knew it, she found out from Nisa that he already had a new girlfriend. She knew no other details than that.

Don't blame. Let it all pass, all right Sarah? We'll all have fun there in Sussex, Sarah remembered Nisa once told her.

"...she just, worries bout him," Sarah told Brian.

He looked down and sighed. "Yup," he said while nodding his head. "He's still my buddy. I depend on him to wake me up at needy times."

As always, Brian would tell Joey to wake him up in the late night hours for him to continue doing his unfinished assignments, with Joey often being awake the whole night without sleeping, not until it was almost morning (which was the cause of him getting sleepy in classes and lectures).

"Your work's always unfinished these days, it seems," Sarah said, cynically.

Brian just smiled at that. "Yeah... but, he's running away, somehow," Brian stated, sounding devastated. "Have to say, kinda miss the guy."

The door of the toilet re-opened and Nisa appeared with her appearance seen last Saturday at the restaurant. "All set, sorry if it took so long."

Both of them got up, ready to leave.

"No problem with it. Off we go... let's get dinner," Sarah said happily. "This is my treat," she said, looking at Nisa. Brian raised his eyebrows.

"I get nothing for coming here, huh?"

"You're all healthy." She ignored him. "Let's go."

Nisa chuckled, "Whoops, sorry bout that. But I did miss my lunch with her that other day."

"Fine, whatever."

He followed the girls going out from the ward and closed the door behind him, and Nisa checked herself out.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Messy, why do I look all messy?

The elevator doors opened. Pen walked out of it, somehow assured that something significant had already happened and he had missed it. He was now on Level 4, the level where Jennifer McKaustin was warded at. He slowly looked for his way, trying to find her room - he had been there so many times already.

As he opened the door, he saw Ethan standing by Jennifer and Jennifer's mother sitting by her, holding her hand. Jennifer is among her mother's 5 children, with her being the youngest daughter (4th child). Still, Jennifer had told him once that her mother was not close to her much, she was much closer to her father, who died five years ago.

Seeing her mother there, was a surprise, and was the first time there for him. He knew her as he had met her before.

Mrs McKaustin only looked upon Pen's face once he opened the door and showed his face there. Ethan seemed dumbfounded.

"What's your name again? Florida? Washington?" Mrs McKaustin glanced at Ethan, confused. "Some name of an American state."

Pen laughed. "Funny.. joke, ma'am." He walked in and closed the door. "Pennsylvania. Just remember me as Pen. I'm a Canadian, though."

Both Ethan and Mrs McKaustin laughed.

"Well I've always thought that's unique," she exclaimed.

Pen glared at Ethan. "You're not working today?"

"Well..." the fiance of Jennifer seemingly stuttered. "I got an emergency call from here." Ethan was still dressed formally with his office attire.

I knew I had a weird feeling...

"Pen, Jennifer woke up about an hour ago or so," Jennifer's mother explained, looking full of hope in her eyes.

"We're now waiting for the doctor to come, then only I can go back to work," Ethan continued.

Pen approached the bed to look closer at Jennifer. "How is she now, then?"

"She's fine... she's asleep, and will get up again anytime soon to talk to us," Mrs McKaustin said confidently. "But Pen, don't you have any class today?"

Huh?

010

What a beautiful laughter on such a pretty face...

"Van, that's terrible," she said as she looked at the photograph together with Pen, after they both received the posted photo album from their friend. It was unique to say that Jennifer was the only person who called him by the name of Van.

At hearing what Jennifer just said, Pen frowned. "Terrible?"

"Your face in this photo." She looked at him, smiling. Pen's grinning face looked like he had food stuffed in his mouth that he had not swallowed but still tried to be covered up by showing his full capped teeth as he smiled, of which, he was not even eating anything at the time the picture was taken.

"How could you say that?? I look handsome in here! Like the most handsome guy ever seen in a photo! And you, you're like an angel with your beautiful smile... though, you're dressed in black."

Jennifer laughed. "Okay, my face looks good, not yours." She shook her head with a smile. "Honestly, keep admitting that you're handsome..." Again, she laughed.

Looking at her laughing, Pen grinned wide. Love your laughter... "Well, it can't be helped, since I AM like the cutest guy alive."

She raised her eyebrows as she took a few steps backward, away from Pen who was the one holding the photo album now. "Give me a break already..." She began walking away. "Gotta run from your obnoxious attitude. I'm hungry anyway."

Pen was sorta drifting in his own world, not realising what Jennifer just said. He kept thinking about her smile and smiling to himself as he kept looking at the picture of the two of them, taken in a cafe near to Sussex University.

"...Van? I'm going to eat..." Jennifer took a look at him before leaving his house, when he did not respond to her but only smiled all by himself. She smiled, although she felt weird about him. "I thought you're gonna eat lunch with me like you said you would. See you, then."

Ahh... you're beautiful. "Funny black dress though, what you wore in this photo." Pen looked away from the picture to say something more to her, only to find that she was no longer in his sight, and the door of his big house was open.

"Later!" Jennifer said out loud from outside, walking away.

Eh? When did she leave?

He closed the album and put it on the couch near where he was standing. Then he ran out - wanting to chase her and go where she was going, first saying goodbye to his maid who was far away in the kitchen. It was what he had always been doing before leaving the house - where his parents and his three younger brothers live in (plus his younger brother's dog named Maxi). He might not look like he was loaded, but he definitely came from a wealthy family.

"Hey wait up there! I'm coming with ya!"

Suddenly he felt a painful hit at his stomach - waking him up from sleep.

"You're asking me to wait now? Are you really coming this time?" Matsumoto asked him just as he opened his big hazel eyes to look at the one standing by his bed. He got hit by Matsumoto, yet again. As always, calling out his name never worked to wake him up, so it had to be hitting him or shaking his leg or things like that, to get him out of his slumberland.

Oh damn. Matt instead.

"I'm not going... don't touch me." He yawned as he turned his body over to the left, away from Matsumoto. "Need sleep..."

Matsumoto sighed. "Fine." He left Pen's room with his door left open, as he was in a hurry and he was late to go to class. Usually it was the two of them going together, as they both had the same schedule, either by his motorbike or Pen's car, but this time he had to go alone. It was not the first time, though. Pen had skipped classes more often than any of his friends ever did. It was something that his housemates had all come to be accustomed to.

Pulling his dark blue blanket to cover his whole body underneath it, Pen whined to himself. He was cursing Matsumoto deep in his heart for waking him up from what he thought was a "wonderful dream".

Let the dream continue, please! I wanna see her again.

"..awake.. awaken... she's awakened," a young blond girl's voice spoke to him as he stood still anxiously.

"Conscious. She's conscious, my friend," said another guy he recognised from his lecture hall, or so, he thought.

"....waking up! She's waking up!" He could hear that voice clearly ahead of him, sounding all so excited. Matsumoto was standing by the side of the bed with the the doctor, nurses and of course, Ethan, who was looking too hopeful to say anything - only getting closer to the bed hoping she would wake up soon.

From where he was standing, Pen knew something big was going to happen. Something he thought was hopeless to ever happen after such a long time.

Jen...

Not realising it, he was beginning to have water in his eyes. Seeing the excitement by Matsumoto ahead of him, he ran over to them - he could not wait to see Jennifer wake up. But just as he was going over toward them, all of them turned around to look at him with serious expressions on their faces - slowly, started to vanish into thin air before he could get to them.

Pen opened his eyes wide and threw his blanket far away from his bed. Thinking back, he had not waken up so peacefully from weird dreams like he did this time (such as yelling things, etc). He had a strange, different feeling today. Remembering the detail of his dream, he felt like something had already happened at the hospital with Jennifer. He knew he had to be there.

He changed his clothes and reached for the car keys. At that, he left the apartment and left for the hospital without wasting much more time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hi there!"

Nisa was stunned from reading a magazine, not realising that someone entered her ward, who suddenly said hi to her. It was 3 pm on a Tuesday afternoon, and she had been better than before. She was speaking more words than the previous days she was there, and her weak body was getting healthier.

"Didn't mean to surprise you," Brian said. "I'm here with Sarah. She went to the toilet. She'll be here in a while." He sat down, barely smiling. "We just finished class. How are ya now?"

She stared at him, speechless. That was the first time Brian came over to her ward, and the second time she ever met him. Getting nervous at that, and also because her hair was still open and not covered, looking messy, she put the magazine over her head and simply smiled.

I don't think you're okay... he thought, knowing what had happened so far with her as explained briefly by Sarah a few days earlier.

"Em.." She took the magazine from top of her head and put it on her lap - it looked weird and still, it was not like it could hide her long, thick, messy hair. "Sorry bout that."

"You didn't do anything. Just relax for the moment."

"Maybe." She tried to sit up straight. "But you know something? I can smell smoke from you."

Brian was kinda surprised at that remark, but not too much. It was just that he did not expect that to come from someone like her.

"Yea? I just took a smoke before I came here," he replied stiffly. "Just another shitty day in class, really."

Nisa just nodded her head. "If you can believe me, I really understand that feeling."

He looked at her, confused. Strange way to put it, I'd say.

"If you would allow it, can you give me one of your cigars?" she asked.

That question really put him in a big surprise. "Say what??"

"It's strange but, I can pay you for it... once I have my purse back."

He leaned closer to her. "Lady, for one thing, you don't smoke. Second, this is a hospital and you're in it so no smoking here. Third, I don't charge people for cigars-"

The door was opened and Sarah showed up. "Hey guys!"

The two looked over at her for a second before looking at each other again. Brian was with his usual no smiley face. "... and fourth, Sarah should be furious if I gave it to you. You'd know that a whole lot better," he said almost in whispered voice. Nisa did not respond to that but just kept quiet.

Nuts. Why would she ever wanna try that? She's not that kind of girl who likes such thing.

Sarah stood by the bedside, all sweaty and almost out of breath. "Did I miss any hot topic or anything?"

"You kidding? I don't know what we've been talking about, really," Brian said, pretending to laugh. Nisa turned her attention to Sarah, wanting to ask something.

"Have you been able to contact Joey?"

Sarah was puzzled on how to answer that question as she did not know where he was. Joey had been unreachable ever since the day Nisa last saw him outside the restaurant with a backpack across the street, and apparently nobody seemed to know where he had been to and for whatever reason that he went away.

Looking at her silence, Nisa already knew the answer to her question. "Can't believe this. What's happening?"

"Nisa, look here," Sarah sat by the bedside, "I'm sure we'll know something soon."

"I don't know..."

"We'll keep praying, ok?"

Sarah leaned closer to her and hugged her as to give her support, while Nisa was beginning to cry, yet again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm here with you."

Joey smiled (without knowing he was doing so). There he stood in front of her, after looking for her for two days, getting lost up here and there trying to find where she lives. There he was, tired and sleepy yet he felt glad now that he had found her.

She got out from her house, running to get to him. "You found me!"

"Finally. Like, so damn hard."

"Great! I haven't seen you in a long time. Miss you."

He stared at her for a while... and walked off ahead to her house on his own.

"Aren't you gonna say you miss me back?"

"No. I'm thirsty. Your parents aren't home, right?"

Rina followed him from the back. "No... hey, wait!"

009

"Mr McCain, I thought you said that she's your friend..."

Pen looked at the nurse with guilt. "Well, she is..." Then he looked over at Nisa, with himself still trying to find the words to say.

"Then how could it be you don't know her name?"

As the young nurse kept talking to Pen, Nisa looked on at the two of them, seeming like at blur. She had not spoken a word since the nurses took her to that room - a small room typical for a doctor to be in, where they ask questions to patients of what was wrong etc. Outside the room, there is a waiting area that seemed to be well taken care of, and this area is specifically for the troubled minds... the nurses had taken her to the psychiatric unit of the hospital. After the nurses' tough effort of dragging her there, Nisa calmed herself down, stopped struggling and yelling - suddenly they saw her on bended knees on the floor there. She was looking around the psychiatric unit, where there were quite a number of people around waiting to see their respective doctors who treat them, and so she suddenly stopped rebelling. After all the struggling, her head-covering had become messed up, making her look untidy, unlike the way she looked like normally (neat and tidy, that is).

It was then she caught everyone's attention there, with one of the psychiatrists running toward her just as he exited his personal room in the psychiatric unit. Apparently, he recognised her.

"Her name is Nurul Nisa Mohammad Yusuf, and she's my patient in this hospital. I've been handling her case since about a year ago," said Dr O'Neil to Pen, the psychiatrist who earlier rushed over to get to Nisa after she knelt down on the floor. "Seems like she doesn't have any ID with her right now. And, you said her name was Melissa?"

Rubbing his forehead, Pen was the one who became blurred then. He was not sure what to say. "I was almost sure that was her name, though."

Imaginary Nisa whispered into Nisa's ears as she watched everyone in there talking to one another. "He must know a lot of people in his life. I mean, our name isn't really that difficult to remember right? Nisa is the simple nickname - not hard right?"

The nurse who was speaking to Pen sooner told Dr O'Neil about Pen who just met his patient and did not really remember her name, as what Pen told her. The doctor just nodded and told her that she could leave the room, saying that he could handle things from there.

"See ya..." Pen muttered as the nurse left the room, closing the door behind her while Pen looked on. Later he realized that the doctor was looking at him. "Say, Dr O'Neil..."

Dr O'Neil told him to hold on with his inquiries, as he went on to see how Nisa was doing. She had been too quiet, unlike before, she would at least speak out several words. "Miss Nisa," he asked gently to Nisa who was seated at the side of his desk, near to him at that moment, while Pen sat in front of him. "How are you now? Everything ok?"

The only thing he got back in return was her silent stare at him, barely showing any expression on her still face. Still, she seemed to be wanting to say something but was yet unable to speak it out.

Patting Nisa on the back, Imaginary Nisa told her to speak up. "I know you want to say something. Come on Nisa, come on now!"

Shut up already... I ain't gonna say anything... Nisa imagined herself telling the Imaginary Nisa to just quieten up and sit still somewhere without making her feel any worse. I don't know him much. But he's involved now. Yet all this has already happened...

Getting back to the rather curious Pen, Dr O'Neil told him that she could be in some kind of shock, maybe caused by extreme fear or anxiety. "Can you tell me, what do you know?"

Nisa turned her attention from the doctor to Pen, refusing to give out any response to any questions asked, but she could still follow and understand what was going on.

"Say, that was what I wanted to ask... I don't know anything... now only I know that she's been a patient in Sussex County." He glanced over to Nisa, surprised to see her looking at him. "... she's... staring at me..."

"DUH," Imaginary Nisa snorted. "What's his problem? Baka."

Nothing... I am the problem.

She blinked several times to hear him say so, turning away her attention back to the doctor. Dr O'Neil smiled at both of them. "It's okay."

Focusing his brains to think of any information that he could provide to the doctor, Pen tried to explain more details. "She was worried about something, too worried actually. We bumped into each other and she was already so worried as if it hurt me even though it's no biggie. Then she didn't reply to my questions, I don't know if she even understood me. And, she did cry out for someone... Joey, if that's helpful in any way." Dr O'Neil took record of the things he just said by writing them in the yellow file on his desk. It made him more curious of what was going on with Nisa as he watched him write in the file, as there seemed to be a lot of other things contained within the file. "If it's okay, may I know what's wrong with her? That she became your patient?"

Nisa's eyes widened at the question - her only response to her surprised feeling inside. No - he's not gonna know... he don't know me and neither do I know him...

The doctor put his pen down and stopped writing, later closing the yellow file and putting it away. "I'm sorry, but that's confidential. But what I can tell you is... help to take care of her, as it seemed like she just went through her worst fear, according to what I've seen so far from her. Do accompany her. At a moment like this, she cannot be left out alone."

"Hah... glad you say so, doc!" Imaginary Nisa yelled out loud. She turned to Nisa and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. "You're being cared for, my friend. You'll be okay."

Okay? Nisa was in doubt. I don't know if I like that word anymore...

"Oh... I see..." Pen looked at her again, being expressionless still.

"I have to keep her here for the moment though, she's still not in a good shape for me to feel worry-free to let her out. Can you call her closest friends here? That'd really help."

"Sure, done that already. I'll wait for them to get here."

"Nisa, hear that?" The imaginary version of herself stood up out of surprise. "Who did he call?"

He called? Who? He did that? Suddenly, there was the urge to cry again. I barely know this fella and here he had to do all this...

Imaginary Nisa knelt down on the floor to talk to her. "I know what you're thinking. You're not a trouble, you gotta know that."

Closing her eyes shut, Nisa lay out a few drops of warm tears. "Sorry... Pencil," a female voice broke out in the atmosphere. It was Nisa - finally speaking, at that moment to Pen. Dr O'Neil was surprised for a second, and so was Pen. The bald doctor got up to check Nisa again, with a more concerned look in his eyes now. "Miss Nisa, what's wrong?" He gave Pen a serious-looking glance.

Pen got more puzzled now. "Missy, seriously," he got himself closer to talk to her face-to-face while she was seated (and being checked by Dr O'Neil), "nothing to worry about."

"Mr McCain, not too close please," the doctor advised him. He told Nisa to breathe in and out for him to check her heart-beating rate with his stethoscope, which she did, much to Pen's surprise that added up to his anxiousness. Sitting back at his seat to follow Dr O'Neil's order, he looked at her with many questions in his head.

"Can you tell me why you're crying, Miss Nisa?" the doctor asked her gently.

"Neesa... anything I can do for you?" he muttered out to her from where he was sitting at, nervously. As Nisa blinked her eyes softly at his question, she had a smile on her pale face when she turned around and muttered back to him, "Dai-jou...bu."

That was when Pen and Dr O'Neil both saw her losing her faint smile and fainted, falling out from her seat, almost onto the floor before Dr O'Neil managed to hold her back.

Pen went frantic. "God!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah sat silently by the bed where her close friend, Nisa lay in. Nisa was sleeping comfortably there, being taken to a ward of her own at the request of both Sarah and Pen for her to feel safer and more at ease. It came with an extra cost - apparently willing to be paid by Pen (and him alone) voluntarily. Sarah arrived not long after Nisa's passing out, looking way worried about her when she saw her unconscious. They had to get her to a ward and check up what could be wrong with her. It was necessary to change her clothes and take off her head-covering.

There she lay without covering her long black hair on the hospital bed, dressed up in hospital clothes.

Dead pale face. Messed up hair after not taking off her tudung in over a day, ever since she ran away from me. Tudung referred to her head-covering, of which Muslims wear to cover their hair. Sarah, too, wears it other than Nisa.

"It seems like she fainted 'cause she had not eaten for a few days," Dr O'Neil's words were ringing in her ears. In a way, she felt partly guilty for it, as she was supposed to eat together with her before she suddenly ran away from the restaurant they were at before. Nisa left too fast, leaving her purse at the restaurant and had not gone back to her house ever since she ran. That made it impossible to contact her or even know where she had been. It got her housemates wondering, and worried, too.

She got herself closer to the bed to hold her friend's hand. Pen was there too, just standing against the wall near to the hospital bed, tired and sleepy. It's almost 9pm, and he had been so tired already with everything that already happened on that day, not able to think much of anything anymore to wonder about.

"Pen?" Sarah spoke up, causing Pen to 'snap out' from his 'dream' while he was only staring out into space in tiredness.

"Ouh." He rubbed his hand over his forehead up to his hair to the back of his head. "Damn I was dreaming. What?"

"You're tired. You've been here a while, right? Go home, get some sleep," she said as she was holding Nisa's left hand, her eyes directed at Pen's sleepy eyes.

Pen yawned, hitting his head with his head soft. "Yeah. I went to Jen first before I met up with Neeeesa, you know."

Sarah chuckled. "Now, it's a simple Nisa - you're prolonging the 'Ni' too much."

"Ouh, sorry." He sighed, trying to put up a smile. "Been getting her name wrong the entire day."

"It's okay. Thanks for everything."

"No problem. Don't stick around so long, you too need a break."

Sarah just nodded. At that, Pen moved away from where he was standing at and went towards the door. As he was about to leave, he stopped for a moment and turned back to Sarah. "Hey, who's Joey?"

Turning to him, Sarah gave him a puzzled look that was pretty much meant to mock him. "That'd be... Johari. You don't know that is it?"

The name sounded quite alien to his ears as if he never heard of it before.

"He's our lecture mate as well..." She tried to make him remember, knowing that he indeed knew Joey too, but somehow not realising that he does. "You know him, you do, believe me I know you do."

Pen's eyes twirled up toward the ceiling, as if thinking so hard - his frown on his face said it all. "You know... how come I don't know that I know?"

... stupid. He's well-known and he knows a lot of others but really, he's got a bad memory. Joey's not as popular, but still known by many. And yeah I know Pen knew him.

"Say, I know why." A big grin appeared on her face. "You call him Harry."

"AH!" Pen seemed enlightened now. "No way!"

"You see, that's the problem, you call people not by their usual nickname. We've been calling him Joey ever since from Malaysia." Sarah shook her head in amusement. Baka indeed.

He laughed thinking about calling the Joey guy, Harry. "I forgot his real name. Been calling him Harry, like, forever..." He was shaking his head as well. "Sorry bout that..."

"You're weird," she claimed, smiling. "Just go home now."

"Yeah, thanks. See ya." Pen closed the door behind him, leaving Sarah alone with Nisa.

Seconds later, still holding Nisa's hand, Sarah came up wondering on her own. Why did he suddenly ask about Joey?