012

He stared down, speechless, although he had too many things to say in his head only waiting to come out in words. Sitting like a statue on the chair next to the hospital bed where Jennifer was silently lying in, Pen was dying inside. So was Jennifer.

"Glad you're back, Jen," he finally said to Jennifer who had already awakened from sleep. All left in the ward were the two of them.

Still in groggy condition and with her cracky voice, she turned her head slowly to face him. "Me too."

Pen looked at her with the most sincere smile he had ever had in the longest time. "It's been a long time. We all miss you... I miss you."

It was unlikely for her to see him that way. Pennsylvania McCain never seemed like the kind of guy who would ever cry or even put up a face like he did at that moment. He was a guy with foul mouth, strange facial expressions and messed up hairstyles, making him not look like he came from a wealthy family at all.

"Van..." she muttered out slowly. Pen then moved closer to her to hear to what she had to say.

"...you have to let me go."

Like all the stupid cartoons he had watched on television before, he envisioned a lightning bolt striking right through his heart, shattering it into trillions of pieces, impossible to be put back into one. But it was not like he had not expected such things from happening to him, from her, as he knew he had been expecting too much. He only hoped all the while for her to get back to life again and show her pretty smile. He just wished that she had not really said it directly to him.

Smiling, Pen said, "I know. I'm just glad you're okay now."

__________________________________________________________________________________


Where is he?

Her mind was going to be torn apart, just thinking about it. It had been several days already, and nobody knew where Joey had been to, no news about him at all, nothing. Every single minute that passed by was driving her crazy.

"Sarah, let's report this to the police or something."

With the food she just took into her mouth, being chewed, Sarah almost choked at hearing the word police somehow. Brian, Nisa and her were all having their meal at a halal restaurant off over Eastern Road of Brighton, East Sussex.

"Police?" Sarah asked, surprised.

Nisa looked at Brian for a response. He was silent for a moment.

"Might be good..." Brian said after giving a bit of thought. "Still... I haven't tried calling back his home or anything like that... I don't know the numbers..."

"I might know. Can you help me?" Nisa asked assuringly.

Taking a glance at the confused Sarah, Brian was sure of it. "Sarah and I would both help, I'm sure, we're all friends!"

At those positive words, Nisa confidently smiled. "Thank you! Although, you barely know me."

Continuing eating his spaghetti (obviously he was hungry), Brian just nodded. "Neoo whorries," he muttered to her before he finished eating.

"Um, hey!" Sarah raised her hand before continuing to eat her steak. "Do we really need to deal with the police?"

Knowing the kind of person Sarah was, Brian knew, no matter how responsible she was, however good, however kind, however independent, she had a hard time dealing with certain things in her life. Sarah's father was a troubled alcoholic and her mother lived to become quite troubled herself, although not quite as bad as he was. During those troubled days, there would always be the need to deal with the people that she learned not be fond of - the police. This was not exactly something that Nisa was aware of, only Brian was.

"Chill, Sarah. It will be fine. We're doing this for Joe," Brian tried to talk her over calmly, this time without food in his mouth.

Sarah stared at him, blunt.

Chill, sure.

It made her go back thinking about the days when her mother used to be depressed because of her father's sudden appearance and death. To treat the depression, she used to be on Paxil, or Seroxat, or chemically known as paroxetine, whatever name you wish to call it. It made her so suicidal that she needed to be hospitalised to make sure she would be safe, even then she was quite violent toward herself. It caused her to lose her appetite and she lost her weight a lot in just 2 weeks, causing her had to be kept warded at the hospital. It changed the happy mother whom she used to know before her alcoholic father ever appeared into a solemn woman who barely spoke or smiled anymore. It hurt her to see her mother that way, and she could do nothing about it.

Although that was back a few years ago, she could not help but felt bad about it. Life changed for her whole family when her father came back that one day, and it made her wish that he never came back at all, for her mother could have been happier today. In spite of that, her mother was getting better by the day, compared to the days when she was still in the hospital. She had stopped being on Paxil, much to the family's enlightenment.

"Are you gonna eat that or what?"

"Ah, this actually tastes good," Nisa ate a part of Sarah's steak, just to taste it, she thought - smiling, as she had already finished her spaghetti which was the same order as Brian's.

"Hey, it does," Brian, too, ate the steak and laughed, somehow having fun doing so.

"HEY, why are you both eating MY dinner? I didn't eat yours!" Sarah exclaimed, unsatisfied. Brian, enjoying himself, grinned at her.

"We finished first, that's why. You were dreaming. And this dinner is your treat!" Brian kept grinning. He placed both of his elbows on the table, with his palms holding his head up. He watched her eat. "Hurry up then."

Nisa only chuckled. "You two are funny people."

"Don't watch me eat!" Sarah's cheeks were turning red.

__________________________________________________________________________________


Ah. Jen, I see stars, I'm seeing stars!

It was like a line from Starry Eyed Surprise from Crazy Town. Coming out from a bar across Southover Street in Brighton, East Sussex, Pen headed for his car parked right next to the dustbin just as he remembered it just now.

Jen, just as I wished for... I'm so glad...

"Thank you, Van." He could see Jennifer smile right ahead of him while he was seated at the driver's seat, ready to go. There she was, walking away from him... and suddenly gone.

Hey, wait a second.

"I.. I have something to give you first before you go. Wait up!"

The keys were in. He turned the engines on, and sped away.

011

"You did come here with a smile," Rina said, grinning as she passed to Joey a plate of toasted bread with peanut butter spread. Joey, reaching out his right hand to take it did not smile nor did he frown, he just felt strange.

"I so didn't smile." He took the toast and ate it - seemingly hungry, or more properly to be said as starving, indeed.

"Yes you did, I saw you. It must've been hard to find my home." She smiled. "You also didn't say you were hungry, just thirsty."

He continued eating without saying a reply as she kept on smiling at him. He had earlier had 2 glasses of water before he ate the toast. Joey had put his backpack on the floor by his left foot, of which under it lay a beautiful red carpet that protected the marble floor from the dining table. All he got in the backpack was all he had to live with while being away from university for the moment. It was a pretty one-storey terrace house with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. She lived there with her other two siblings, an older brother and a younger sister. Her brother, Aman now was no longer living in the house as he had moved out to work in another state - she had no idea what he was currently working as. As for her sister, Aishah, being sixteen years old, she was put in a residential school in Yorkshire, full boarding, much to her disliking. They were not exactly wealthy people, but seemingly they were living comfortably in that home.

"You also need to wash up," Rina complained again, looking at his messy looks.

"I'm fine, thanks, I did wash up already today. I'm staying at a motel nearby, ok? I'm not that sloppy." He snorted, taking another sip of water with his left hand, not letting go of the toast at his right hand.

Rina laughed again. "Just teasing you. Come visit me here often for the moment, yup?"

Having eaten half of the toasted bread, Joey put it on the plate and looked at Rina. "How's things, then?"

Then he was already going into the topic of why he was even there at her home in the first place. It was a last minute plan, out of rush. Screw classes, lectures or anyone in East Sussex, he told no one. Left everyone without a word. He turned off his cell phone in case any of them decided to contact him as he did not want to be reached. He wanted to come to Rina's home alone, undisturbed, and help her. Until he did, he would not return or go let them meddle in between his business.

Rina looked down, her expression turned solemn. "My mom's called her lawyer and taken the first step, as I feared she would."

The conversation itself had got serious now. "I thought your dad disagreed with this?"

"He did, at first he really argued about it with her," her voice now sounded teary and unclear. "They both began arguing. It sounded so bad from inside of my room where I was, so close I could hear almost everything. There was a sound of something broken down..."

Before he came here, he already had the information that Rina's parents might have a divorce, which he got from Rina's emergency midnight call herself. Somehow it made him feel called to go over there to help her out, with it being a family matter, even with him having no plans at all or simply being, well, a simpleton. He just wanted to be there and help her out.

Joey was listening and looking at her so closely that he did not move one bit. He realised that she was starting to cry talking about what happened the night her parents decided for sure that they were going to have a divorce, and he did not know what to do to console her.

"...there was a moment of silence. A long one. It was after that that they knocked on my door and came in together and told me that they were going to separate from each other, and that's it. It was late, they thought I didn't hear a thing!"

"Rina," he spoke out as gently as he could. He took a deep breath and reached out for her hand.

Things back at home aren't too good for me to say anything nice to her here...

"Don't worry... thank you for being here." With her right hand, she held his left hand tight back.

I don't really know...


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The news she just heard seemed like the best news she just had since the past decade. Brian and Sarah could only smile for their classmate.

"Going home is excellent!" Nisa said with excitement. She took her clothes from the nurse with her biggest grin yet and went to the toilet, just near to her bed.

"Ah, gladly, this time you'd better not come back here, back on the hospital bed!" Sarah made her remark, yet again, like she had always been, almost like a caring sister. She acted that way almost to everybody.

Once out of sight, Brian spoke, "She still needs to be watched out for."

Sarah sat down on the hospital bedside with a worried face. "I know that. Even before all this, her attitude's been worrying."

"Joe's been missing too, for one thing." He leaned toward the back, straightening his body up as he was seated on the chair. "He hasn't been back for days now and he hasn't told me anything."

"We gotta find him." She looked at Brian, really concerned. "Nisa could really lose her mind."

Brian stopped to think at that. "He's got a girl already, you know?"

"Yeah..."

Sarah remembered how much her close friend cared about Joey. There were some things she knew about the both of them, they had been close for quite a time and at the moment, he never had any girlfriend yet. All three of them were studying at the same institution in Malaysia, of which Nisa and Joey both got there on scholarship while she got there privately.

However things seemed to have changed when their journey was about to come to an end there and when they were about to fly to the United Kingdom. Before she knew it, she found out from Nisa that he already had a new girlfriend. She knew no other details than that.

Don't blame. Let it all pass, all right Sarah? We'll all have fun there in Sussex, Sarah remembered Nisa once told her.

"...she just, worries bout him," Sarah told Brian.

He looked down and sighed. "Yup," he said while nodding his head. "He's still my buddy. I depend on him to wake me up at needy times."

As always, Brian would tell Joey to wake him up in the late night hours for him to continue doing his unfinished assignments, with Joey often being awake the whole night without sleeping, not until it was almost morning (which was the cause of him getting sleepy in classes and lectures).

"Your work's always unfinished these days, it seems," Sarah said, cynically.

Brian just smiled at that. "Yeah... but, he's running away, somehow," Brian stated, sounding devastated. "Have to say, kinda miss the guy."

The door of the toilet re-opened and Nisa appeared with her appearance seen last Saturday at the restaurant. "All set, sorry if it took so long."

Both of them got up, ready to leave.

"No problem with it. Off we go... let's get dinner," Sarah said happily. "This is my treat," she said, looking at Nisa. Brian raised his eyebrows.

"I get nothing for coming here, huh?"

"You're all healthy." She ignored him. "Let's go."

Nisa chuckled, "Whoops, sorry bout that. But I did miss my lunch with her that other day."

"Fine, whatever."

He followed the girls going out from the ward and closed the door behind him, and Nisa checked herself out.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Messy, why do I look all messy?

The elevator doors opened. Pen walked out of it, somehow assured that something significant had already happened and he had missed it. He was now on Level 4, the level where Jennifer McKaustin was warded at. He slowly looked for his way, trying to find her room - he had been there so many times already.

As he opened the door, he saw Ethan standing by Jennifer and Jennifer's mother sitting by her, holding her hand. Jennifer is among her mother's 5 children, with her being the youngest daughter (4th child). Still, Jennifer had told him once that her mother was not close to her much, she was much closer to her father, who died five years ago.

Seeing her mother there, was a surprise, and was the first time there for him. He knew her as he had met her before.

Mrs McKaustin only looked upon Pen's face once he opened the door and showed his face there. Ethan seemed dumbfounded.

"What's your name again? Florida? Washington?" Mrs McKaustin glanced at Ethan, confused. "Some name of an American state."

Pen laughed. "Funny.. joke, ma'am." He walked in and closed the door. "Pennsylvania. Just remember me as Pen. I'm a Canadian, though."

Both Ethan and Mrs McKaustin laughed.

"Well I've always thought that's unique," she exclaimed.

Pen glared at Ethan. "You're not working today?"

"Well..." the fiance of Jennifer seemingly stuttered. "I got an emergency call from here." Ethan was still dressed formally with his office attire.

I knew I had a weird feeling...

"Pen, Jennifer woke up about an hour ago or so," Jennifer's mother explained, looking full of hope in her eyes.

"We're now waiting for the doctor to come, then only I can go back to work," Ethan continued.

Pen approached the bed to look closer at Jennifer. "How is she now, then?"

"She's fine... she's asleep, and will get up again anytime soon to talk to us," Mrs McKaustin said confidently. "But Pen, don't you have any class today?"

Huh?

002

Huh?

Sarah woke up to the bright sunlight shining through the windows, onto her face. Looking at the apple-clock on the end table next to her bed, she realised that she had missed her Fajr prayer – it was half past 9 in the morning on another Saturday in East Sussex, UK.

“Ouh.. not again…” she grumbled to herself. And I just thought about going jogging after I pray.

The thought of jogging made her remember that it was indeed another Saturday, a day which she had always gone for jogging. Saturdays were her favourite, having day-off from the rest of the world for her to engage into her own. She looked at a picture frame next to the apple-clock, of which was a medium-sized picture of her father who died back 3 years ago because of alcoholism.

She stared out the window, looking down the quiet neighbourhood from her second floor room in that apartment in Flakestown. Closing her eyes to feel the wind blowing her hair, she felt like her decision to come to that place was the best decision ever. Still there, living on her own after about a year since she arrived in that country, Britain, to further her studies after all the hassle trying to get there. In that hassle, she had to deal with her father’s condition of being alcoholic, something that was not an everyday situation or problem that most of her friends had. Dealing with a father that had left her and her mother along with four other siblings was not easy in such a condition. Her father, Rahim, left them even before she was born, but had often been coming back to them within 2 years before his death. She could remember him very well – he came to them when they were done having dinner at home, where she was the one who opened the door after hearing the doorbell rang, thinking it was her older brother who was not there at that moment who always went out at night. There stood at the door a man in his forties whom she did not recognise, someone who looked like a homeless man who had not cleaned up himself for a long while. However, looking at the man, she had a funny feeling inside, leaving her speechless for a moment.

“Who’s at the door –” Sarah’s mother appeared from behind. She stood as if in shock at what she was seeing at that time, not moving an inch, looking at the man at the door. Sarah took a glimpse at her mother and shrugged. “I don’t know who he is…”

The man was about to reach his hand out to them before he fainted right away at the door, falling right in front of his daughter’s feet. While Sarah was starting to panic at the situation, her mother clung to the opened door with tears starting to flow down her cheeks. Hearing the strange commotion, Sarah’s two other sisters came about to look at what was happening.

“Mama, what happened? Who is this?” Farah went over to get to her mother who was beginning to become unstable. “What’s wrong??” She looked at Sarah who only looked back, blurred and startled as her other younger sister went to call for help. Their mother, Nadiah kept crying as she moved closer to the man fallen at the door, trying to get a hold of his apparently weak right hand. “Your father…” She looked at the man in disbelief and closed her eyes, as tears keep rolling down.

Opening her eyes, Sarah felt a warm feeling deep inside. That was a moment that she could not forget, to know the man she had not seen for years come back to them in such a condition. The man she had always wondered whether he was dead or alive. The man she never got to know, at times she felt curious of what kind of person he was like. The man she grew to hate for leaving her family and leaving all the burden to her mother. Nadiah was overwhelmed by his comeback although she was very hurt and angry by his act of leaving and abandoning her and his children before. Despite of his wrongdoings, she was able to forgive him – much to her children’s dismay. Because some of her children could not accept him, he was not allowed to stay in their home, which was understood by Nadiah. Being the youngest child, Sarah – although hated her father at first – came to love him when she tried to get to know him better. Her dad once cried as they were both having a simple conversation with each other. He took the step to leave them and never came back till then, and he eventually began regretting his faults. So he turned to alcohol which at first was just a once-in-a-lifetime plan, turned to be a lifetime of disaster.

Love you, dad…even for all that you ever did…

She closed her eyes again…

Splat! Something hit her face. It felt cold and watery…

“You there at the window! Come out here, hurry up, we’re late already! We had a date to go to, remember? You’re the one that set all of it up anyway!”

Ouch. That voice is so loud is hurts.

Sarah knew the voice all too well. There was a wet cloth, possibly soaked in some melted ice or cold water, thrown to her face earlier that later fell down to the floor. She turned, with raised eyebrows and a frown, to look down on Nisa down the building who was practically yelling at her. “Hey! You hear –”

“Yea, yea, I hear you already. Wait up.” Sarah picked up the cloth and threw it back out to Nisa, obviously mad. She moved away from the window and grabbed for her towel for a bath.

Date?It’s just some work that needs to be done. Okay, no need to throw me something like that right in the face. Sarah snorted, thinking of a plan of some way to sort of kill her later.

Down the building, Nisa, who managed to catch the rolled, thrown cloth that then looked like a really bad yarn product, looked on at the window with a smile.

"Cool," she said to herself.