004

The cell phone rang again. It was just the message ringtone of an Avril Lavigne song that did not last longer than 10 seconds. As Joey heard it ringing, he stopped meddling with the computer mouse and looked at his cell phone that he earlier threw on his bed.

He got up from his chair to get his phone. It was a message from his new girlfriend, Rina, asking him what he was doing at the moment. He smiled a bit reading the message, and lay down on the bed to send a reply to her. As he was typing the words in, he received a "buzz" on his Yahoo! Messenger from his laptop at his desk.

Who's that?

Once done messaging, he put his phone down and looked over at the laptop from where he was lying down. Then he could see the picture from far. It's her...

Joey, or whose real name is Johari, decided to ponder into the ceiling of his bed in his thoughts before he would go over and respond to the "buzz". Lately he felt bad about what he had done to her, of which he thought was something that had really made the girl sad. She was a very close friend of his, someone he held close to his heart, an important person to him. He cared about her, although not as much as he cared for his girlfriend. By telling her that he already had a girlfriend now, he knew the mess he would cause between himself and his close friend, something he had no intention to do. He had caused her so much pain, he knew this; and he could not help but to feel guilty for doing so. It was one of the worst things he ever had to do; so hard to deal with.

"She seems to be upset... and it's all my fault."

And I never ever deserve her for this shitty me.

Another "buzz" was thrown in, and he only looked at it, feeling like a fool. Some messages were starting to come in, and he knew he would need to respond to it soon.

BUZZ!
BUZZ!
Nurul Nisa: hey u baka, r u there?
Nurul Nisa: i need sum homework help here! fast!

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"You're in same group with her?" Joey asked him, for the second time. Brian kept his eyes locked on his Superman comic book, not moving his eyes to respond to his roommate's question.

"Yeah. We just got to know each other. She, apparently, just knew who Pen is," Brian said to him.

Pen?

"She just knew Pen?" Joey repeated the words. It was a strange thought, since almost everyone knew who Pen is, being the extroverted guy he is, being the attention of almost all lecturers in the lecture halls.

"Weird is it? She knew him by the face, knew him by all but the name. She just knew his name today, earlier this morning."

"I see." Joey pondered out into space again. She can be quite oblivious to her surroundings, though...

He and Brian had been roommates for about a year now. Although they both did not have much of talk with each other, he still considered Brian as one of his closest friends.

Friends?

In reality, that could still be incorrect. He had never understood the real meaning of friendship or what it felt like to have buddies. He did not know the real importance of it in his life, as he felt like most of his life was spent on his own, independently, without feeling like he needed anyone else. No family, no friend, no girlfriend, and he would still make it through.

In a life where he had been on his own all the years he had lived, he did not really the purpose of his life or where it was headed. It seemed like it would be better off if everything would just end for him at that very moment. No need to worry or feel the guilt about anyone. Leave all the fears and curiousities he had all the while. No more wondering what he had to do next or what would happen next. Nothing had been easy for him in life. Everything seemed a blur. All the pain life had given him, all had become immuned to him. If there was nothing good to get out of it, give me more of the bad part. He could not care less.

And he had made a decision, long time ago. Let's end this. All of this stupid shit crappy thing.